Is there really a more versatile and perfect food item than
the humble potato? Shut your fat stupid
face if you don’t agree, it was a rhetorical question. You can shred the potato, you can slice it,
cube it, mash it, it can be boiled, fried, roasted, stewed.
Or is it? This post
is born from of the shitty fried potatoes I have been encountering lately. Too many times they have been overcooked, or
undercooked, or just a ball of mushy starch on a plate. But we can fix this. We have the technology. We can make them crispier, goldener, more
delicious.
The first thing we’re going to consider is our prep work,
and for that we have to look at the various breeds of potato. For the most part we can break them into two:
waxy and dirty. These are not technical
terms, so keep with me. It’s about the
texture of the raw potato, which directly relates to the starch that’s going to
bleed out of it while you’re cooking.
Think of waxy potatoes as being ones like reds, they have
that smooth texture on the outside, and the insides don’t eplode with
whitewater when you cut them. On the
other side we have the dirties, these are your russet types. The makeup of the skin always feels a little
gritty, you’re gonna want to use these guys for your baking and mashing needs.
“But Coop,” you’re saying, “all I have is the 10 pound bag
of russets, because I buy my potatoes all willy nilly like.” That’s fine, my friend. We’re going to make that work as well. Let’s get into our directions.
For your waxies you’re going to have an easy time. Cube up the taters, ¼ inch by ¼ inch. Get a layer of oil hot in your skillet,
medium heat. Toss in the potatoes,
season, then toss them real good so you get the oil and spices coating every
little chunk. Cover this, but every now
and again make sure you stir it up, to keep from burning the outsides. Taste a piece from time to time. Is it cooked?
Yes? Crank up the heat and stir
fry until you’ve crisped the outsides.
Then eat them. Then say a prayer
of thanks for such a delicious meal.
Now let’s ride dirty.
You’re still gonna cube them up.
You’re even going to stir fry them on high. The difference is the step you’re going to
add between cutting and pan. You’re
going to par-boil the cut potatoes. You’re
going to add vinegar to the water when you do.
1/8 cup per gallon will do it (you can do this same thing with homemade
fries to get them crispier). Once your
potatoes are cooked you’re going to drain them and throw them directly into
your hot oiled pan and season, then begin the stir frying.
FUCKING BONUS ROUND. SON!
Coop’s spice cabinet:
I advocate a well stocked spice cabinet, but there are a few
things I consider a must. While I enjoy
going fresh as often as possible, these are the dried seasonings I like to make
sure I have in a pinch.
Sazon (a mixture of MSG and spices, found in you Hispanic foods
section. Good for marinades, which we’ll
cover later)
Garlic and Onion powders (no bitching, they do their job)
Kosher salt (The ‘kosher’ in the name refers to its
electrolytic effects, all faiths can use this salt)
Cumin (Good for a chili like flavor)
Chipotle (heat and smokiness at once)
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