Portal Bellow Mush Room

So, for kicking this shit off we're going to start with something I started working on all those years ago around age 15.
It was a cool summer day in the quiet mountain town of Silverton.  The place?  A little cafe below a hotel, called The Green Table.  The dish?  A portabello mushroom on toast.  On my fourth day of work our head waitress, Mel, encouraged me to try something from the menu. 
Now, with a name like 'The Green Table' you can probably guess that the fare was not the usual lumps of greasy meat and cheese I shamefully shove down my gullet.  I had tried enough of the food to be sure I was making it according to the HC's directions, but otherwise my taste buds were focused on cheeseburgers (which we'll get to another day). 
Without a lot of work or money you can replicate this yourself, impress your friends, and maybe even get that special lady to get at you (broads digs mushrooms).

What you will need:
Portabello Mushrooms
French Bread
Mayonaisse
Chipotle Paste (if you can't find it, get some of them shits and put them in a blender)
Cheese (I recommend feta for this, but something like a muenster can be good too.  Just make sure it's cheese, not cheese product).

All right, you want to take your mushroom, which you have turned into just the cap, right?  Put it in a skillet, medium heat, in which is also about 1/8 inch of water.  Cover.  Let it go for a couple of minutes.
While that's making, it would be a good ide to mix up the mayo and the chipotle paste.  Mix it in a proportion that makes you comfortable.  You will be judged on it.
Take a slice of yonder Freedom bread, maybe make it about an inch, slather your hot mayo all over it.  Throw your mushroom cap on top, throw your cheese on top of that, then broil the shit out of it until it is done but not burned.  You'll know.  Just keep an eye on it.

Serve with lemonade, because fuck yeah lemonade.  You're gonna eat this, you're gonna need a new pair of pants when your done.  If you're a dude, give it to your woman and watch her beg to make your babies.

See you ladies Wednesday,
love, Coop

"Hershey's is amateur hour chocolate."